Why NOT cook pandas?
Pandas stand for what is wrong with our world and blatantly highlight mankind's skewed priorities. Allow me to explain:
Pandas are on the verge of extinction. Zoos in the US and other countries have gone to extreme lengths to save these creatures. Here's why we shouldn't:
Pandas cost over FIVE TIMES as much as any other zoo animal to keep alive in captivity.
Their diet is almost exclusively bamboo, which must be grown on site in quantity to keep the Pandas fed. Bamboo contains a chemical that is an intoxicant to pandas. They sit around and get wasted all day.
In the case of Yia Yia and Li Li, the pandas housed at the Memphis zoo, an expert from the animals' home country of China must be brought in, housed, and compensated as part of our leasing them from the nation of China.
The city of Memphis spent millions of dollars on remodeling the zoo and leasing the pandas, only to charge visitors extra to see them because attendence was much slower than anticipated.
This is an extreme case of budget ridiculousity. While our city schools fall into ruin, our roads are decrepit, and the 2006-7 Crime Wave terrorises our citizens, these fat ass pandas are living it up over at the Zoo.
Despite their risk of extinction, Pandas show an extreme indifference to mating. In fact, Zoos have taken to showing them videos of other pandas mating (apparently an extremely vocal act) in order to arouse their sexual interest.
Plus, if the pandas actually do conceive a cub (a pandlet, maybe?), said cub will be the property of the Chinese government, not the Memphis Zoo, despite the fact that they pay for everything and do all the work (including artificial insemination. gross).
So you see, pandas are an icon for what ails mankind: sloth, gluttony, and apathy to all but the most frivlous causes.
And besides... as fat and lazy as pandas are, they must be delicious! Seriously, ever had veal? Panda meat is surely a tender, juicy, and delicious delicacy!
